It has been some while since I've been to this journal and much has happened since I've last reflected and written anything down. In the scheme of world events I'm sure that nothing I will say here is going to make western culture gasp and thank God that I have returned to enlighten them. However for my little slice of life the events have been....well, more lively than in most six week periods of time. I've been to Ireland, established a new chapter in the relationship with my son, turned 55 years of age and I'm in the process of being promoted in my new job of a little over 2 months. Now that is a lot of activity, at least for me. Oh, and to top it all off I've agreed to participate in a 10K run with my son sometime around next May or June. He is a marathoner, I am an overweight senior who hasn't even approached anything like running in over 10 years....but it is an enticing thought.
Getting back to the US from Ireland introduced me to a rather long and unexpected period of physical and mental adjustment. I am just now beginning to feel somewhat normal and following a recognizable routine. I have many more thoughts but need to run off and do exciting things like mow the lawn and figure out what my training regimen is going to be like. I have a ways to go before I can begin to take this quest seriously, but I am all about succeeding here so the quest begins!
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Melancholy Thoughts at 3:00AM
I'm sitting in my new office at my house and working on a report that doesn't need to be done for a while. Why do anything ahead of time? With our just in time mentality it seems that there should be plenty of last minute things that I could be doing instead. As long as I'm awake at 3:00AM I guess I should be doing something with a great sense of urgency. Fact is I'm just wound up and for whatever reason I'm up my mind is racing at breakneck speed. I just want to slow down the pace. I don't want to go down this road right now.
I've been a pretty happy fellow since I landed my new job. I like the company and I like the people I work with. Getting paid is very important, but if you can work with people you like AND get paid well That's heaven. Speaking of Heaven, I can't stop thinking about dying. There is so much more I want to do before that moment in time. I think like Robbie Williams sings "I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to right now" I've been sitting in the chair that I have had for a very long time. It is a nice brown leather chair. One I have been very comfortable in for many a sitting. I am restless. The chair seems to low, then I adjust it. It feels okay for a bit...then to high. It seems to hard as well. It was never to hard before. Could the chair be changing character? Or, maybe because now I am working out of my house I sit in the chair more often and am just now realizing that it is an uncomfortable chair. I don't know why, but I am certainly very aware of how uncomfortable this chair is at present. This chair could possibly be a small insight to hell.
I don't know about heaven or hell, but I do know that I will miss the music I love and I'll miss the subtle warmth of the morning sun. I won't miss humidity. I'll miss my parents. I've really come to like them both as people. Even if they weren't my parents I would like to know them. Unfortunately, their paths went in different directions many years ago. I did have the benefit of growing up with both parents. They were wierd like any parents, but I think they they good as far as parents go. They live very different lives now. I will miss them. I will miss my brothers, some more than others. I have a favorite brother. I will miss him the most. I will miss my wife. She and I have had our ups and downs, sometimes I think more downs than ups. Somehow regardless, at the end of the day each day for well over thirty years we are still husband and wife. With that kind of longevity, the change alone would cause a void. Yes I will miss her. My children too, I will miss them. They are good people and I enjoy their company. I wish they were around more, but that is never going to happen.
I am sure I will miss a great deal more, but I am getting tired. This is good. It is 3:30AM now and I very much want to sleep. I think the pace is slowing down. Sleep is good too. With a moment's respite and a deep breath I'm already thinking about what I need to get done tomorrow after I wake up. I will miss life when my time comes.
I've been a pretty happy fellow since I landed my new job. I like the company and I like the people I work with. Getting paid is very important, but if you can work with people you like AND get paid well That's heaven. Speaking of Heaven, I can't stop thinking about dying. There is so much more I want to do before that moment in time. I think like Robbie Williams sings "I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to right now" I've been sitting in the chair that I have had for a very long time. It is a nice brown leather chair. One I have been very comfortable in for many a sitting. I am restless. The chair seems to low, then I adjust it. It feels okay for a bit...then to high. It seems to hard as well. It was never to hard before. Could the chair be changing character? Or, maybe because now I am working out of my house I sit in the chair more often and am just now realizing that it is an uncomfortable chair. I don't know why, but I am certainly very aware of how uncomfortable this chair is at present. This chair could possibly be a small insight to hell.
I don't know about heaven or hell, but I do know that I will miss the music I love and I'll miss the subtle warmth of the morning sun. I won't miss humidity. I'll miss my parents. I've really come to like them both as people. Even if they weren't my parents I would like to know them. Unfortunately, their paths went in different directions many years ago. I did have the benefit of growing up with both parents. They were wierd like any parents, but I think they they good as far as parents go. They live very different lives now. I will miss them. I will miss my brothers, some more than others. I have a favorite brother. I will miss him the most. I will miss my wife. She and I have had our ups and downs, sometimes I think more downs than ups. Somehow regardless, at the end of the day each day for well over thirty years we are still husband and wife. With that kind of longevity, the change alone would cause a void. Yes I will miss her. My children too, I will miss them. They are good people and I enjoy their company. I wish they were around more, but that is never going to happen.
I am sure I will miss a great deal more, but I am getting tired. This is good. It is 3:30AM now and I very much want to sleep. I think the pace is slowing down. Sleep is good too. With a moment's respite and a deep breath I'm already thinking about what I need to get done tomorrow after I wake up. I will miss life when my time comes.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Cindy Sheehan & Other Unsightly Litter
I am constantly amazed by people like Cindy Sheehan. It is my observation that most of the Sheehanesque type of thinking comes out of California, but I'm sure it exists and thrives elsewhere. Why would anyone in their right mind expect a person enlisted in the military to be exempt from harms way. Ms. Sheehan is certainly not the first and absolutely won't be the last parent to lose a child to involvement in military conflict. This is a voluntary military. Nobody forced her son into active service and it is my guess that if there is any connection between the afterlife and the here and now, this boy is being embarrassed by the rantings of his deranged mother. Furthermore she is being played by the lunatic left. When all is said and done she will have made a fool of herself (for our amusement as brought to us by mainstream news) ,disgraced the memory of her son and accomplished absolutely nothing. Why would anyone sign up for this. Besides, from what source does Ms. Sheehan conclude that our actions in the middle east are illegal? This must be hyperbole, right. No offense, but this woman is like a housewife or something. An honorable enough role, but where did her credibility as a spokesperson emmanate from. Because her son lost his life while an active member of the armed forces, she has now become some kind of spokesperson for the left! I believe that Chris Matthews was even encouraging her to run for office. I don't know if anybody is tracking with me on this, but it all seems pretty desparate, almost surreal.
Friends and colleagues much smarter than me, continually tell me that the beauty of America is that everyone, freaks and lunatics included, get to have their say. I'm not so sure this is a good thing, but aside from being horribly inefficient, I guess it doesn't harm anything. The real problem to me is that Cindy Sheehan and others of her ilk raised on Dr. Spock, Romper Room and the dream state based romantic philosophy of the new left all get to gum up the workings of a phenomenally powerful and successful country such as the United States. I sometimes wonder how far ahead we would be if we didn't have to keep slowing down for these annoying leftist type people. This country never would have gotten started if it were left to the devices and cowardice of Ms. Sheehan, Barbara Boxer, Ted Kennedy and the like. I watched it in my own time during Viet Nam and found myself ashamed to be an American in uniform. Thank God for the military and thank God the Cindy Sheehans of this country don't have much influence on it. To paraphrase Jack Nicholson in a Few Good Men ' You want that freedom to do whatever the heck it is that pleases you, but then you question the manner in which that freedom is provided'. Like it or not there are some very bad people in the world. There always were and there always will be. I have no doubt that Ms. Sheehan and her supporters would have been out there in 1940/1941 yelling that the Nazis were not our problem and that we had no business in Europe. Pearl Harbor was fair game and the Japanese were acting responsibly in retaliation for trade barriers created by the US and its allies. In oter words we got we we deserved. I'm very sorry for her loss. I celebrate her son and his resolve. I thank God for my friends and colleagues, particularly the military veterans of WWII (my dad included), Korea, Nam, as well as the first and second Iraqi conflicts who understand that sometimes preserving the strength of this country requires tough measures. These brave souls in uniform have continued to serve as the beam of light that makes America a country to be respected and feared throughout the world, a place where scum like Osama Bin Laden think twice before blowing innocent people into the next world. A place where everyone is welcome, free and secure. And as my friends and colleagues continue to tell me this includes making room for the Cindy Sheehans, Jane Fondas, Barbara Boxers, Nancy Peloisis, Barbara Striesands, and all the other clueless people with a bully pulpit provided by Ms. Sheehan's son and thousands like him. I know it is a worn out retort... but if Cindy and friends don't like it here then they should get on a plane and move to Iraq or similar environ. Maybe after a few months living under the brutal reality of those countries Ms. Cindy and her friends will have a better appreciation for what her son died for. In those countries the good people impacted by the government's actions don't get to camp out in front of their president's residence. They just get to disappear. There is a lone voice on the oter side of the road in Crawford, the voice of an Iraqi woman pleading that we stay to give her country a chance to live the dream like in America. Nobody in the media is much interested in her plea or her message. It doesn't conform with the media's self righteous, self servicing agenda.
Friends and colleagues much smarter than me, continually tell me that the beauty of America is that everyone, freaks and lunatics included, get to have their say. I'm not so sure this is a good thing, but aside from being horribly inefficient, I guess it doesn't harm anything. The real problem to me is that Cindy Sheehan and others of her ilk raised on Dr. Spock, Romper Room and the dream state based romantic philosophy of the new left all get to gum up the workings of a phenomenally powerful and successful country such as the United States. I sometimes wonder how far ahead we would be if we didn't have to keep slowing down for these annoying leftist type people. This country never would have gotten started if it were left to the devices and cowardice of Ms. Sheehan, Barbara Boxer, Ted Kennedy and the like. I watched it in my own time during Viet Nam and found myself ashamed to be an American in uniform. Thank God for the military and thank God the Cindy Sheehans of this country don't have much influence on it. To paraphrase Jack Nicholson in a Few Good Men ' You want that freedom to do whatever the heck it is that pleases you, but then you question the manner in which that freedom is provided'. Like it or not there are some very bad people in the world. There always were and there always will be. I have no doubt that Ms. Sheehan and her supporters would have been out there in 1940/1941 yelling that the Nazis were not our problem and that we had no business in Europe. Pearl Harbor was fair game and the Japanese were acting responsibly in retaliation for trade barriers created by the US and its allies. In oter words we got we we deserved. I'm very sorry for her loss. I celebrate her son and his resolve. I thank God for my friends and colleagues, particularly the military veterans of WWII (my dad included), Korea, Nam, as well as the first and second Iraqi conflicts who understand that sometimes preserving the strength of this country requires tough measures. These brave souls in uniform have continued to serve as the beam of light that makes America a country to be respected and feared throughout the world, a place where scum like Osama Bin Laden think twice before blowing innocent people into the next world. A place where everyone is welcome, free and secure. And as my friends and colleagues continue to tell me this includes making room for the Cindy Sheehans, Jane Fondas, Barbara Boxers, Nancy Peloisis, Barbara Striesands, and all the other clueless people with a bully pulpit provided by Ms. Sheehan's son and thousands like him. I know it is a worn out retort... but if Cindy and friends don't like it here then they should get on a plane and move to Iraq or similar environ. Maybe after a few months living under the brutal reality of those countries Ms. Cindy and her friends will have a better appreciation for what her son died for. In those countries the good people impacted by the government's actions don't get to camp out in front of their president's residence. They just get to disappear. There is a lone voice on the oter side of the road in Crawford, the voice of an Iraqi woman pleading that we stay to give her country a chance to live the dream like in America. Nobody in the media is much interested in her plea or her message. It doesn't conform with the media's self righteous, self servicing agenda.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Moving Along
Well today I am getting ready to fly out to Virginia. I have a new job and I am enjoying it very much. I spent last week in New York and now I will spend the early part of this week in Virginia. Like with anything new, expectations are high on both sides, organization and deliverables are evolving and performance standards are yet to be defined. I still have a great deal of information to absorb and a number of processes to put in place before I can say that I've made a beneficial impact. This is the stage of development I like the most. Everything is new and uncharted. I have an opportunity to leave a meaningful and substantive mark on this group. I have 2 bosses, each has strengths that combined can make for a highly successful venture. I also like the members of the group very much. Let's see how it all comes together in the days and weeks to come.
It's not that unemployment is so bad. I was fortunate enough to have a little money put aside. It is just that being employed and working with people that you like and respect is so much better. I'm back in that saddle and sure glad to be there.
It's not that unemployment is so bad. I was fortunate enough to have a little money put aside. It is just that being employed and working with people that you like and respect is so much better. I'm back in that saddle and sure glad to be there.
Saturday, August 06, 2005
I STILL HAVE A DREAM
As I sit and think about whatever else I might do in this life before moving on, I am drawn to the issue of where I live and how I live. As many in my socio-economic strata I am living in a suburban area which like so many such environments is restrictive and anxiety producing even on the best days. Traffic, taxes, overcrowding problems, deed restriction issues, neighbors right on top of you and a general sense that it costs you every thing you have just to get by. Maybe okay for some, but as for me I think 20 plus years of running this course is more than I can bear! The cornerstone of retirement should be where to live, right? Everything else will grow from there. So what do I want for retirement years? I want a rural setting. I want to be able to enjoy the earth for my remaining years as I think God meant it to be. I want to get up in the morning and not see cars and listen to traffic as I try to adjust my mind and body to the new day before me. I want to be able to think without looking at my watch because I have to get somewhere. I came home from work one day not to many years ago and there was a giant cement light pole in the middle of my front yard. When I called th
e light company to inquire, I was simply told that they have that "right of way". Thank you for your call...learn to live with it, in so many words! The matter was ultimately resolved in my favor, but not without some major anxiety, persuasive arguments and a little well placed monetary incentive. I don't want to do this anymore. I have a vision of what I do want. It is a farm house owned by a close friend of mine. He has plans of subdividing his property and then building a brand new ranch house for his wife and himself. As for me I want to be the purchaser and eventual owner of the house to the right which is the current farm house. Can you see retiring here? Tell me it isn't beautiful. I picture waking up in the morning and going out on the potch with a hot cup of coffee and a newspaper or a book. I would then sit down, thank God for the day which lies before me and ask for the wisdom and strength to give the most I have to offer so I can get the most out of the day. I would then sip some coffee, read the paper or my book, and prepare myself mentally to take on the morning chores. Each day will start like this and end with me back on the porch reflecting on the day's activities and creating plans for the next day's tasks. I'm excited like I haven't been in a very long time. I need for this to happen and it will!
e light company to inquire, I was simply told that they have that "right of way". Thank you for your call...learn to live with it, in so many words! The matter was ultimately resolved in my favor, but not without some major anxiety, persuasive arguments and a little well placed monetary incentive. I don't want to do this anymore. I have a vision of what I do want. It is a farm house owned by a close friend of mine. He has plans of subdividing his property and then building a brand new ranch house for his wife and himself. As for me I want to be the purchaser and eventual owner of the house to the right which is the current farm house. Can you see retiring here? Tell me it isn't beautiful. I picture waking up in the morning and going out on the potch with a hot cup of coffee and a newspaper or a book. I would then sit down, thank God for the day which lies before me and ask for the wisdom and strength to give the most I have to offer so I can get the most out of the day. I would then sip some coffee, read the paper or my book, and prepare myself mentally to take on the morning chores. Each day will start like this and end with me back on the porch reflecting on the day's activities and creating plans for the next day's tasks. I'm excited like I haven't been in a very long time. I need for this to happen and it will!
A New Twist
Well here it is Saturday evening and I'm looking at a totally different set of issues than I was at this time last week. Friday afternoon I received a job offer from a new employer, one I have wanted to work for for a very long time. I accepted the offer and now I'm preparing for a half-week long set of meeting in New York next week. How quickly things change. I think if I live to be 500 years old I'll never understand just how things work out in life.
Remember the friend I mentioned at almost the very beginning when I started this BLOG thing? Well she is the architect of the situation that has led to this job offer. I'm so very pleased and I will be working with some very sharp people whom I respect very much. Lots of "verys" here, I notice! I believe there is a chance to do some incredibly good things in this new position of mine. I actually feel like a kid entering a new job right out of grad school. The world is mine to carve and shape! Haven't felt like this in a long time.
I've already shared my excitement with my wife. Now I need to go call my mother
Remember the friend I mentioned at almost the very beginning when I started this BLOG thing? Well she is the architect of the situation that has led to this job offer. I'm so very pleased and I will be working with some very sharp people whom I respect very much. Lots of "verys" here, I notice! I believe there is a chance to do some incredibly good things in this new position of mine. I actually feel like a kid entering a new job right out of grad school. The world is mine to carve and shape! Haven't felt like this in a long time.
I've already shared my excitement with my wife. Now I need to go call my mother
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Big Decisions In My Little World
Of course I've been looking for work since losing my job in the beginning of July. It is already August 3rd. Getting older just seems to make the time fly. Absolutely I have been looking and I have found something that really, really appeals to me. I've interviewed locally and I've been up to New York. Everything is looking good except......the salary. This is the toughest decision I've had to make in a very long time. The salary is not anything to sneeze at, but it is substantailly below what I had been making for a very long time. On the other hand I haven't been excited about going to work in a very long time....yes like most people I know, I have been working primarily for the money. Now I have an opportunity to work for something I believe in with the chance to do something meaningful while working with people I really like and respect.
I am pretty certain I'm going to be given a formal offer later this week. What shall I do?
I am pretty certain I'm going to be given a formal offer later this week. What shall I do?
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Friday, July 29, 2005
My Son, Some Thoughts
I have a 26 year old son. He lives in Washington DC and works for a very large consulting firm. I have been thinking about him alot lately. He is an amazing guy and not just because he is my son. I would respect him no matter whose son he was. At only 26 years old, he has graduated from the University of Florida, went straight to work for KPMG first in Washington and then New York. He was there on 9/11. He moved back to Florida for a short stint and then went to work up in Washington again. He has since purchased a beautiful home in Washington DC proper and is making a nice life for himself. All this by the age of 26. He has never smoked, been involved with drugs or had any particular problems with the law or other institutions of authority. He always makes it home for the Christmas holidays which is a continual source of enjoyment and happiness for his mother and sister. He is respected and loved by his uncles, aunts, cousins, friends as well as his colleagues. I have never heard anybody utter an unkind word about my son. How could one not be pleased and proud of such a person? We are going on a father and son trip to Dublin later this year. God bless this young man. He is certainly a blessing to me.
I'm off to visit a friend and help him with some farm work. What a great day this will turn out to be. I feel it in my bones.
I'm off to visit a friend and help him with some farm work. What a great day this will turn out to be. I feel it in my bones.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Some Correspondence Regarding Different Days
I wanted to keep a record of this correspondence because I think it is very representative of many things I like about being me. Exactly what though I'm not sure.
***********************************************
Look To Monday/ Tuesday at the latest for the letter. I am finished at our old Company and I've faded away with a whole ration of mixed emotions. Oddly enough I'm not that disappointed. Of course I miss the people I worked with and the daily interaction, but as for the business itself, the course was definitely run and one way or another, the end had been scripted. I guess we all have our own designs on how an ending should play out, but I think we can universally recognize the signs....and they were certainly everywhere. Who wants to work in that kind of environment?
As to what I am doing...the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker! Who knows? I have a little money saved and of course 23 years brought me a respectable severance package, so the family won’t starve anytime soon (though at my size I could use a little starvation in my life.) I guess I AM looking for a job because that is what I should be doing, but I'm on a mental hiatus and actually enjoying it quite a bit. I've started my own blog (right here)...definitely the work of a rookie, I need to learn more on this topic. I think I might also get into pod-casting...it intrigues me, I've painted some around the house and completed some projects that my wife has been after me for a while to get done. I bought a van so I can take my daughter around and get her out of the house and I try to get in a Guinness or 2 at least once a week. I suspect I will go through phases. Right now I’m in my laid back, let’s see where it all goes” phase and looking to really get back into the Irish Language. I can’t find anyone local to speak with though. I’m also going back to Dublin in September with my son and really looking forward to that. So, all in all, it is not a bad life post CEF. Let’s see where my mind is at in six months.
And obviously I have time to write long winded notes to my former colleagues who have jobs and no time to read them!
Enjoy and be blessed!
Gary
-----
Hi Gary:
If you have time....yes, please put that Irish gift of gab to work on my
letter, but only if you have time, I don't want it to be an imposition....It
has to be a glowing review though, ha ha. And, of course I will list your
cell phone for the reference. Are you finished at our old Company? Are you looking for
a new job or taking some time off?
I miss seeing you and talking with you, so we will have to meet sometime for
a beer or something! I appreciate your daily wisdom because I can't believe
my boys are starting first grade! Seems like just yesterday they were little
babies. We try and remember that as you can tell how much they just love to
have you hang out and spend time with them, even if it is just playing a
game or something.
Thanks for your quick response, I really appreciate it.
Keep in touch,
Jersey Girl Teresa
***********************************************
Look To Monday/ Tuesday at the latest for the letter. I am finished at our old Company and I've faded away with a whole ration of mixed emotions. Oddly enough I'm not that disappointed. Of course I miss the people I worked with and the daily interaction, but as for the business itself, the course was definitely run and one way or another, the end had been scripted. I guess we all have our own designs on how an ending should play out, but I think we can universally recognize the signs....and they were certainly everywhere. Who wants to work in that kind of environment?
As to what I am doing...the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker! Who knows? I have a little money saved and of course 23 years brought me a respectable severance package, so the family won’t starve anytime soon (though at my size I could use a little starvation in my life.) I guess I AM looking for a job because that is what I should be doing, but I'm on a mental hiatus and actually enjoying it quite a bit. I've started my own blog (right here)...definitely the work of a rookie, I need to learn more on this topic. I think I might also get into pod-casting...it intrigues me, I've painted some around the house and completed some projects that my wife has been after me for a while to get done. I bought a van so I can take my daughter around and get her out of the house and I try to get in a Guinness or 2 at least once a week. I suspect I will go through phases. Right now I’m in my laid back, let’s see where it all goes” phase and looking to really get back into the Irish Language. I can’t find anyone local to speak with though. I’m also going back to Dublin in September with my son and really looking forward to that. So, all in all, it is not a bad life post CEF. Let’s see where my mind is at in six months.
And obviously I have time to write long winded notes to my former colleagues who have jobs and no time to read them!
Enjoy and be blessed!
Gary
-----
Hi Gary:
If you have time....yes, please put that Irish gift of gab to work on my
letter, but only if you have time, I don't want it to be an imposition....It
has to be a glowing review though, ha ha. And, of course I will list your
cell phone for the reference. Are you finished at our old Company? Are you looking for
a new job or taking some time off?
I miss seeing you and talking with you, so we will have to meet sometime for
a beer or something! I appreciate your daily wisdom because I can't believe
my boys are starting first grade! Seems like just yesterday they were little
babies. We try and remember that as you can tell how much they just love to
have you hang out and spend time with them, even if it is just playing a
game or something.
Thanks for your quick response, I really appreciate it.
Keep in touch,
Jersey Girl Teresa
Where are the days going
Now 28 days since I last worked for pay, I am finding somewhat of a routine to be evolving. I get up early in the morning, say between 5:30 and 6:30AM, get washed up and then come in and turn on my computer. I get some tea, water and even sometimes Diet Coke, settle down in front of the screen and keyboard and begin my day in earnest. First stop, e-mail. Did I receive mail from anybody I care to receive correspondence from? The e-mail system seems to be serving the role of life line for me. In some as yet unexplained way as long as I have e-mail from a recognized and meaningful source then for that day my value can be validated. I am not a forgotten commodity and that's good. When thinking about the prisoners of war coming back from Nam or the hostages taken by political extremists or just about anyone forced into an environment of isolation I can now sense the head trip it does on you. Not that unemployment is anywhere near those situations in terms of intensity, but the thoughts you get when you don't feel connected are uncomfortable and at once force your thinking in a certain direction. I remember the same kind of thinking when I was in the Military. A different kind of isolation for sure, but back then I was away from home and familiarity. I liked the service and I liked military life, but for the first year I felt like a fish out of water. In the day to day routine of it all I was able to get through each day pretty handily, but I still felt disconnected. A year later I was fine, had made lots of friends and acquaintances and I believe the military from 1970-1974 was one of the best times of my life. It was the first time in my young life that I believed people from places other than New York, New Jersey or Connecticut were not foreigners. I think it safe to say that it was a time of maturing, growth and incredibly good memories. So again trying to pull the positives from this situation, I can classify my present circumstances as a time of meaningful change. I'm not sure that this situation will lead to any metamorphosis, but I can do my best to make this temporary inconvenience work out to the benefit of myself, my family and perhaps even my friends.
Next step is to put some thoughts down on this blog, get to calm and then in the clarity let the plan for the day come together. Like everyone these days, or so it seems, I live to a large extent by a planner. I happen to use Covey. There are many kinds of planners and methods I'm certain. I have to work toward and sometimes around the events and appointments in my planner. This is another source of potential trouble if I don't perceive the situation properly. While employed, my planner was always full of notes, dates, reminders and other symbols of relative meaning. Unemployed, the frequency of these symbols is considerably less. I need to keep that book filled with these trappings of importance, value and direction. They are important to me and help define what has value, to whom and the sense of urgency in the delivery. This day so far has not shaped up as one of urgency. The danger for me is to allow this sense of "it can wait" to govern my thinking. I refuse to turn on the television! I know that like some evil addictive drug, the television is my enemy and a formidable one at that. Television is not my friend and it offers absolutely nothing of value that can't be obtained in other ways with better results. Good, now that's out of my system.
Next step is to review my planner, make sure I have included everything I want to get done and begin getting it done. Now in retrospect, this certainly seems like a routine to me. I'm out and about!
Next step is to put some thoughts down on this blog, get to calm and then in the clarity let the plan for the day come together. Like everyone these days, or so it seems, I live to a large extent by a planner. I happen to use Covey. There are many kinds of planners and methods I'm certain. I have to work toward and sometimes around the events and appointments in my planner. This is another source of potential trouble if I don't perceive the situation properly. While employed, my planner was always full of notes, dates, reminders and other symbols of relative meaning. Unemployed, the frequency of these symbols is considerably less. I need to keep that book filled with these trappings of importance, value and direction. They are important to me and help define what has value, to whom and the sense of urgency in the delivery. This day so far has not shaped up as one of urgency. The danger for me is to allow this sense of "it can wait" to govern my thinking. I refuse to turn on the television! I know that like some evil addictive drug, the television is my enemy and a formidable one at that. Television is not my friend and it offers absolutely nothing of value that can't be obtained in other ways with better results. Good, now that's out of my system.
Next step is to review my planner, make sure I have included everything I want to get done and begin getting it done. Now in retrospect, this certainly seems like a routine to me. I'm out and about!
Friday, July 22, 2005
Near The End Of The Day
Today was tough. I've been unemployed since July 1, 2005. It is now 21 calendar days since I have worked for pay. I was feeling down and anxious all day long. Who knows why. I didn't wake up with that intention, but somehow it became my cross to bear for the day. I worked most of the day on a project to help my friend out with. I think I am on the right track. I hope so. This project saved my sanity today.
I notice too that I now have more time to think about things and I'm having a tendency to be very critical of persons, places and things, including myself, my home and my possessions. Most of the mental meandering seems to be fleeting, however there are a few points that I think I need to stop and take stock of, at least my mind keeps bringing me back to certain topics. My physical well being is one such topic.
I have grown to rather uncomfortable physical proportions over the last 10 years. I think if I am grossly negligent in any one area since I have gotten older it is in maintaining my physical health. If I keep asking myself what positive thing can I pull out of this situation; the answer would have to be an opportunity to get back into some kind of respectable physical shape.
I am going to make it a clear focus of this journal to develop some kind of plan to attack the physical dilemma that I am drowning in and set this plan in motion. I think this might be a good use of the public space as well as an elixir to my malaise. Don't kid yourself, if you have any notion that being unemployed is anything but dibilitating on many levels then you are crazy or have discovered a secret I wish you would share with me. At any rate, the physical workout and nutrition plan needs to be my focus. More on all this very soon.
I think I need to spend some more time with my wife as well. She has been a real sport what with me hanging around all the time now, but I have been mostly locked up in a back room with this computer which has not left much time to be attentive to her. I need to go spend some time with her. It is the right thing to do and besides, she is fun.
See ya! ...Slán
I notice too that I now have more time to think about things and I'm having a tendency to be very critical of persons, places and things, including myself, my home and my possessions. Most of the mental meandering seems to be fleeting, however there are a few points that I think I need to stop and take stock of, at least my mind keeps bringing me back to certain topics. My physical well being is one such topic.
I have grown to rather uncomfortable physical proportions over the last 10 years. I think if I am grossly negligent in any one area since I have gotten older it is in maintaining my physical health. If I keep asking myself what positive thing can I pull out of this situation; the answer would have to be an opportunity to get back into some kind of respectable physical shape.
I am going to make it a clear focus of this journal to develop some kind of plan to attack the physical dilemma that I am drowning in and set this plan in motion. I think this might be a good use of the public space as well as an elixir to my malaise. Don't kid yourself, if you have any notion that being unemployed is anything but dibilitating on many levels then you are crazy or have discovered a secret I wish you would share with me. At any rate, the physical workout and nutrition plan needs to be my focus. More on all this very soon.
I think I need to spend some more time with my wife as well. She has been a real sport what with me hanging around all the time now, but I have been mostly locked up in a back room with this computer which has not left much time to be attentive to her. I need to go spend some time with her. It is the right thing to do and besides, she is fun.
See ya! ...Slán
Thursday, July 21, 2005
More Bombs In London
Two weeks after some socially maladjusted evil doers were to bomb several London underground stations and set in motion the murder of more than 50 persons, they or those of their ilk felt compelled to try their luck once more. This time 3 more underground stations and a bus damaged but, thank God, nobody else died at the hands of these miscreants.
There are those who, employing some very warped logic, believe that we the people as represented by our government have it coming and so it is justifiable to blow innocent unsuspecting civilian men, women and children to smithereens.
It is a tragedy of humankind that these most ignoble savages would find even a modicum of support in the demented minds of the media elite, academics, politicians such as Barbara Boxer and the rest of the romantically driven liberals amongst us. Please don't ever let me find myself engaged in a debate centered on the merits of cold blooded murder, needless destruction of property and why a proper response to all of this might involve post-capture terrorist sessions with Dr. Phil, Dr. Ruth or any other questionable psycho-solutions.
As much as I want to lash out and reply in kind, watch not just these, but all murderers cornered and executed, avenge the deaths of all the innocent persons from time immemorial who have needlessly lost their lives as fuel for some forgotten or never known political message, I will not raise or call for a hand to be raised in anger. I will not assuage my pain with the sweet fruit of revenge. I will pray to my God and I will also pray that you petition your God and maybe all together as Gods and humans we just might find our humanity.
Mostly I pray for all those who have left for work to provide for themselves and their families never to return to that home because some moron felt it was his right to send a message.
There are those who, employing some very warped logic, believe that we the people as represented by our government have it coming and so it is justifiable to blow innocent unsuspecting civilian men, women and children to smithereens.
It is a tragedy of humankind that these most ignoble savages would find even a modicum of support in the demented minds of the media elite, academics, politicians such as Barbara Boxer and the rest of the romantically driven liberals amongst us. Please don't ever let me find myself engaged in a debate centered on the merits of cold blooded murder, needless destruction of property and why a proper response to all of this might involve post-capture terrorist sessions with Dr. Phil, Dr. Ruth or any other questionable psycho-solutions.
As much as I want to lash out and reply in kind, watch not just these, but all murderers cornered and executed, avenge the deaths of all the innocent persons from time immemorial who have needlessly lost their lives as fuel for some forgotten or never known political message, I will not raise or call for a hand to be raised in anger. I will not assuage my pain with the sweet fruit of revenge. I will pray to my God and I will also pray that you petition your God and maybe all together as Gods and humans we just might find our humanity.
Mostly I pray for all those who have left for work to provide for themselves and their families never to return to that home because some moron felt it was his right to send a message.
Some Thoughts On Losing Employment and Finding Friends
This morning I met with a "Transition Counselor". She is from the Bronx and now lives in Tampa. She was very professional and helpful while assisting me in editing my resume. What an interesting document a resume is. Don't you think so? The resume is a marketing tool that helps promote you to potential paying users of the services that you offer. The resume needs to get in the hands of the right persons and then capture their attention long enough so that they are driven to want to find out more about you. How can I help you and how can you help me? The classic quid pro quo. I actually enjoyed the resume editing session and looked at the resume writing process as less a burden and more a part of a major marketing campaign. A lesson learned. The transition counselor and I finished our task, shook hands and parted company with a smile and a wave.
From the Outplacement Service I proceeded to meet an old friend for coffee and lively discussion around some esoteric characteristics driving the industry that has employed us both for a very long time. I would like to find my way back into a productive position within this industry once again. Perhaps my friend will be the key to achieving this goal. A notion yet to be fully explored. We meet at the designated restaurant and begin our conversation with smiles and pleasantries. I order an unsweetened iced tea and she orders a diet coke. The mirthful salutations morph into matters of the industry and of her company and of her job and new product positioning, market share, the strategy and tools needed to grow that share, the strength of the competition. I'm totally caught up and absorbed. The intensity feels good. I agree to help put together a position paper...it never hurts to keep up with what's going on in your field of interest....Am I crazy? Am I dumb for doing this?. No, absolutely not and what's more it doesn't matter. I want to do it, I like to do it and truth be told, I would do it whether or not I was employed, because she is a friend. It is comforting as well as reassuring to know that there are people on this planet that you can relate to, people who accept you under a variety of circumstances, people who will make you feel that your value has not been diminished even when you are vulnerable. Being unemployed makes you potentially vulnerable on many levels. I walked away from that meeting with a number of assignments, self-imposed and otherwise. You know what? Work is really not just about the money! I have some work to get done because a friend can use some help!
From the Outplacement Service I proceeded to meet an old friend for coffee and lively discussion around some esoteric characteristics driving the industry that has employed us both for a very long time. I would like to find my way back into a productive position within this industry once again. Perhaps my friend will be the key to achieving this goal. A notion yet to be fully explored. We meet at the designated restaurant and begin our conversation with smiles and pleasantries. I order an unsweetened iced tea and she orders a diet coke. The mirthful salutations morph into matters of the industry and of her company and of her job and new product positioning, market share, the strategy and tools needed to grow that share, the strength of the competition. I'm totally caught up and absorbed. The intensity feels good. I agree to help put together a position paper...it never hurts to keep up with what's going on in your field of interest....Am I crazy? Am I dumb for doing this?. No, absolutely not and what's more it doesn't matter. I want to do it, I like to do it and truth be told, I would do it whether or not I was employed, because she is a friend. It is comforting as well as reassuring to know that there are people on this planet that you can relate to, people who accept you under a variety of circumstances, people who will make you feel that your value has not been diminished even when you are vulnerable. Being unemployed makes you potentially vulnerable on many levels. I walked away from that meeting with a number of assignments, self-imposed and otherwise. You know what? Work is really not just about the money! I have some work to get done because a friend can use some help!
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
A New Chapter Begins
I am in the 54th year of a life which could be considered generally average with interesting moments. I am neither rich nor poor, brilliant or stupid, exceedingly fast nor annoyingly slow, and I'm certainly not a professed sinner nor am I an aspiring saint. I am hopelessly middle class and just trying to figure out my way, which seems to be more and more an elusive quest.
Since separating from the United States Military in 1974, I have been steadily employed in the financial services industry (it used to be called banking) and for the last nearly 24 years I have worked for a major money center bank, first in New York and then in Tampa, Florida. Over all these years I have successfully weathered the downsizings, the upsizings, the spin-offs, the mergers, the acquisitions, the Joint Ventures and the politics in all its various forms and disguises. However 2005 was to become the year that I would finally be caught up in the changinging tide and swept ashore.
I am now unemployed for the first time since I was 14 years old (I'm counting my paper route and stint as a dishwasher in an italian restaurant as gainful employment). 15 0r 20 dollars a week in 1964 made me a king on my block. I always liked the feeling of independence that my own money gave me. I never really anticipated finding myself in an unemployed situation. It is a little frightening at the very same time that it is kind of a rush. I'm not sure what my thoughts are, however they are at present somewhat disorganized, fast and furious and the fodder for this blog. My objective here is simply to capture my thoughts as I journey from predictable stability to the day to day uncertainty of unemployment and a new career search.
To anybody who might read these ramblings, i would be indebted to you for your honest comments, pro or con. I am not thin skinned and I do love open and honest communication which is the primary reason I so dislike the concept of "political correctness" as observed and practised in the USA. This however is another topic for another time. I'm off to do some job research and then paint and fix up a back bedroom that I will use as a home office.
Slán...
Since separating from the United States Military in 1974, I have been steadily employed in the financial services industry (it used to be called banking) and for the last nearly 24 years I have worked for a major money center bank, first in New York and then in Tampa, Florida. Over all these years I have successfully weathered the downsizings, the upsizings, the spin-offs, the mergers, the acquisitions, the Joint Ventures and the politics in all its various forms and disguises. However 2005 was to become the year that I would finally be caught up in the changinging tide and swept ashore.
I am now unemployed for the first time since I was 14 years old (I'm counting my paper route and stint as a dishwasher in an italian restaurant as gainful employment). 15 0r 20 dollars a week in 1964 made me a king on my block. I always liked the feeling of independence that my own money gave me. I never really anticipated finding myself in an unemployed situation. It is a little frightening at the very same time that it is kind of a rush. I'm not sure what my thoughts are, however they are at present somewhat disorganized, fast and furious and the fodder for this blog. My objective here is simply to capture my thoughts as I journey from predictable stability to the day to day uncertainty of unemployment and a new career search.
To anybody who might read these ramblings, i would be indebted to you for your honest comments, pro or con. I am not thin skinned and I do love open and honest communication which is the primary reason I so dislike the concept of "political correctness" as observed and practised in the USA. This however is another topic for another time. I'm off to do some job research and then paint and fix up a back bedroom that I will use as a home office.
Slán...
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