I'm sitting in my new office at my house and working on a report that doesn't need to be done for a while. Why do anything ahead of time? With our just in time mentality it seems that there should be plenty of last minute things that I could be doing instead. As long as I'm awake at 3:00AM I guess I should be doing something with a great sense of urgency. Fact is I'm just wound up and for whatever reason I'm up my mind is racing at breakneck speed. I just want to slow down the pace. I don't want to go down this road right now.
I've been a pretty happy fellow since I landed my new job. I like the company and I like the people I work with. Getting paid is very important, but if you can work with people you like AND get paid well That's heaven. Speaking of Heaven, I can't stop thinking about dying. There is so much more I want to do before that moment in time. I think like Robbie Williams sings "I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to right now" I've been sitting in the chair that I have had for a very long time. It is a nice brown leather chair. One I have been very comfortable in for many a sitting. I am restless. The chair seems to low, then I adjust it. It feels okay for a bit...then to high. It seems to hard as well. It was never to hard before. Could the chair be changing character? Or, maybe because now I am working out of my house I sit in the chair more often and am just now realizing that it is an uncomfortable chair. I don't know why, but I am certainly very aware of how uncomfortable this chair is at present. This chair could possibly be a small insight to hell.
I don't know about heaven or hell, but I do know that I will miss the music I love and I'll miss the subtle warmth of the morning sun. I won't miss humidity. I'll miss my parents. I've really come to like them both as people. Even if they weren't my parents I would like to know them. Unfortunately, their paths went in different directions many years ago. I did have the benefit of growing up with both parents. They were wierd like any parents, but I think they they good as far as parents go. They live very different lives now. I will miss them. I will miss my brothers, some more than others. I have a favorite brother. I will miss him the most. I will miss my wife. She and I have had our ups and downs, sometimes I think more downs than ups. Somehow regardless, at the end of the day each day for well over thirty years we are still husband and wife. With that kind of longevity, the change alone would cause a void. Yes I will miss her. My children too, I will miss them. They are good people and I enjoy their company. I wish they were around more, but that is never going to happen.
I am sure I will miss a great deal more, but I am getting tired. This is good. It is 3:30AM now and I very much want to sleep. I think the pace is slowing down. Sleep is good too. With a moment's respite and a deep breath I'm already thinking about what I need to get done tomorrow after I wake up. I will miss life when my time comes.
