My Son Bill, November 2004 just after he completed the Marine Corp Marathon in Washington DC 

My Son, Some Thoughts

I have a 26 year old son. He lives in Washington DC and works for a very large consulting firm. I have been thinking about him alot lately. He is an amazing guy and not just because he is my son. I would respect him no matter whose son he was. At only 26 years old, he has graduated from the University of Florida, went straight to work for KPMG first in Washington and then New York. He was there on 9/11. He moved back to Florida for a short stint and then went to work up in Washington again. He has since purchased a beautiful home in Washington DC proper and is making a nice life for himself. All this by the age of 26. He has never smoked, been involved with drugs or had any particular problems with the law or other institutions of authority. He always makes it home for the Christmas holidays which is a continual source of enjoyment and happiness for his mother and sister. He is respected and loved by his uncles, aunts, cousins, friends as well as his colleagues. I have never heard anybody utter an unkind word about my son. How could one not be pleased and proud of such a person? We are going on a father and son trip to Dublin later this year. God bless this young man. He is certainly a blessing to me.

I'm off to visit a friend and help him with some farm work. What a great day this will turn out to be. I feel it in my bones.

Some Correspondence Regarding Different Days

I wanted to keep a record of this correspondence because I think it is very representative of many things I like about being me. Exactly what though I'm not sure.
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Look To Monday/ Tuesday at the latest for the letter. I am finished at our old Company and I've faded away with a whole ration of mixed emotions. Oddly enough I'm not that disappointed. Of course I miss the people I worked with and the daily interaction, but as for the business itself, the course was definitely run and one way or another, the end had been scripted. I guess we all have our own designs on how an ending should play out, but I think we can universally recognize the signs....and they were certainly everywhere. Who wants to work in that kind of environment?

As to what I am doing...the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker! Who knows? I have a little money saved and of course 23 years brought me a respectable severance package, so the family won’t starve anytime soon (though at my size I could use a little starvation in my life.) I guess I AM looking for a job because that is what I should be doing, but I'm on a mental hiatus and actually enjoying it quite a bit. I've started my own blog (right here)...definitely the work of a rookie, I need to learn more on this topic. I think I might also get into pod-casting...it intrigues me, I've painted some around the house and completed some projects that my wife has been after me for a while to get done. I bought a van so I can take my daughter around and get her out of the house and I try to get in a Guinness or 2 at least once a week. I suspect I will go through phases. Right now I’m in my laid back, let’s see where it all goes” phase and looking to really get back into the Irish Language. I can’t find anyone local to speak with though. I’m also going back to Dublin in September with my son and really looking forward to that. So, all in all, it is not a bad life post CEF. Let’s see where my mind is at in six months.

And obviously I have time to write long winded notes to my former colleagues who have jobs and no time to read them!

Enjoy and be blessed!

Gary

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Hi Gary:

If you have time....yes, please put that Irish gift of gab to work on my
letter, but only if you have time, I don't want it to be an imposition....It
has to be a glowing review though, ha ha. And, of course I will list your
cell phone for the reference. Are you finished at our old Company? Are you looking for
a new job or taking some time off?

I miss seeing you and talking with you, so we will have to meet sometime for
a beer or something! I appreciate your daily wisdom because I can't believe
my boys are starting first grade! Seems like just yesterday they were little
babies. We try and remember that as you can tell how much they just love to
have you hang out and spend time with them, even if it is just playing a
game or something.

Thanks for your quick response, I really appreciate it.

Keep in touch,
Jersey Girl Teresa

Where are the days going

Now 28 days since I last worked for pay, I am finding somewhat of a routine to be evolving. I get up early in the morning, say between 5:30 and 6:30AM, get washed up and then come in and turn on my computer. I get some tea, water and even sometimes Diet Coke, settle down in front of the screen and keyboard and begin my day in earnest. First stop, e-mail. Did I receive mail from anybody I care to receive correspondence from? The e-mail system seems to be serving the role of life line for me. In some as yet unexplained way as long as I have e-mail from a recognized and meaningful source then for that day my value can be validated. I am not a forgotten commodity and that's good. When thinking about the prisoners of war coming back from Nam or the hostages taken by political extremists or just about anyone forced into an environment of isolation I can now sense the head trip it does on you. Not that unemployment is anywhere near those situations in terms of intensity, but the thoughts you get when you don't feel connected are uncomfortable and at once force your thinking in a certain direction. I remember the same kind of thinking when I was in the Military. A different kind of isolation for sure, but back then I was away from home and familiarity. I liked the service and I liked military life, but for the first year I felt like a fish out of water. In the day to day routine of it all I was able to get through each day pretty handily, but I still felt disconnected. A year later I was fine, had made lots of friends and acquaintances and I believe the military from 1970-1974 was one of the best times of my life. It was the first time in my young life that I believed people from places other than New York, New Jersey or Connecticut were not foreigners. I think it safe to say that it was a time of maturing, growth and incredibly good memories. So again trying to pull the positives from this situation, I can classify my present circumstances as a time of meaningful change. I'm not sure that this situation will lead to any metamorphosis, but I can do my best to make this temporary inconvenience work out to the benefit of myself, my family and perhaps even my friends.

Next step is to put some thoughts down on this blog, get to calm and then in the clarity let the plan for the day come together. Like everyone these days, or so it seems, I live to a large extent by a planner. I happen to use Covey. There are many kinds of planners and methods I'm certain. I have to work toward and sometimes around the events and appointments in my planner. This is another source of potential trouble if I don't perceive the situation properly. While employed, my planner was always full of notes, dates, reminders and other symbols of relative meaning. Unemployed, the frequency of these symbols is considerably less. I need to keep that book filled with these trappings of importance, value and direction. They are important to me and help define what has value, to whom and the sense of urgency in the delivery. This day so far has not shaped up as one of urgency. The danger for me is to allow this sense of "it can wait" to govern my thinking. I refuse to turn on the television! I know that like some evil addictive drug, the television is my enemy and a formidable one at that. Television is not my friend and it offers absolutely nothing of value that can't be obtained in other ways with better results. Good, now that's out of my system.

Next step is to review my planner, make sure I have included everything I want to get done and begin getting it done. Now in retrospect, this certainly seems like a routine to me. I'm out and about!

Near The End Of The Day

Today was tough. I've been unemployed since July 1, 2005. It is now 21 calendar days since I have worked for pay. I was feeling down and anxious all day long. Who knows why. I didn't wake up with that intention, but somehow it became my cross to bear for the day. I worked most of the day on a project to help my friend out with. I think I am on the right track. I hope so. This project saved my sanity today.

I notice too that I now have more time to think about things and I'm having a tendency to be very critical of persons, places and things, including myself, my home and my possessions. Most of the mental meandering seems to be fleeting, however there are a few points that I think I need to stop and take stock of, at least my mind keeps bringing me back to certain topics. My physical well being is one such topic.

I have grown to rather uncomfortable physical proportions over the last 10 years. I think if I am grossly negligent in any one area since I have gotten older it is in maintaining my physical health. If I keep asking myself what positive thing can I pull out of this situation; the answer would have to be an opportunity to get back into some kind of respectable physical shape.

I am going to make it a clear focus of this journal to develop some kind of plan to attack the physical dilemma that I am drowning in and set this plan in motion. I think this might be a good use of the public space as well as an elixir to my malaise. Don't kid yourself, if you have any notion that being unemployed is anything but dibilitating on many levels then you are crazy or have discovered a secret I wish you would share with me. At any rate, the physical workout and nutrition plan needs to be my focus. More on all this very soon.

I think I need to spend some more time with my wife as well. She has been a real sport what with me hanging around all the time now, but I have been mostly locked up in a back room with this computer which has not left much time to be attentive to her. I need to go spend some time with her. It is the right thing to do and besides, she is fun.

See ya! ...Slán

More Bombs In London

Two weeks after some socially maladjusted evil doers were to bomb several London underground stations and set in motion the murder of more than 50 persons, they or those of their ilk felt compelled to try their luck once more. This time 3 more underground stations and a bus damaged but, thank God, nobody else died at the hands of these miscreants.

There are those who, employing some very warped logic, believe that we the people as represented by our government have it coming and so it is justifiable to blow innocent unsuspecting civilian men, women and children to smithereens.

It is a tragedy of humankind that these most ignoble savages would find even a modicum of support in the demented minds of the media elite, academics, politicians such as Barbara Boxer and the rest of the romantically driven liberals amongst us. Please don't ever let me find myself engaged in a debate centered on the merits of cold blooded murder, needless destruction of property and why a proper response to all of this might involve post-capture terrorist sessions with Dr. Phil, Dr. Ruth or any other questionable psycho-solutions.

As much as I want to lash out and reply in kind, watch not just these, but all murderers cornered and executed, avenge the deaths of all the innocent persons from time immemorial who have needlessly lost their lives as fuel for some forgotten or never known political message, I will not raise or call for a hand to be raised in anger. I will not assuage my pain with the sweet fruit of revenge. I will pray to my God and I will also pray that you petition your God and maybe all together as Gods and humans we just might find our humanity.

Mostly I pray for all those who have left for work to provide for themselves and their families never to return to that home because some moron felt it was his right to send a message.

Some Thoughts On Losing Employment and Finding Friends

This morning I met with a "Transition Counselor". She is from the Bronx and now lives in Tampa. She was very professional and helpful while assisting me in editing my resume. What an interesting document a resume is. Don't you think so? The resume is a marketing tool that helps promote you to potential paying users of the services that you offer. The resume needs to get in the hands of the right persons and then capture their attention long enough so that they are driven to want to find out more about you. How can I help you and how can you help me? The classic quid pro quo. I actually enjoyed the resume editing session and looked at the resume writing process as less a burden and more a part of a major marketing campaign. A lesson learned. The transition counselor and I finished our task, shook hands and parted company with a smile and a wave.

From the Outplacement Service I proceeded to meet an old friend for coffee and lively discussion around some esoteric characteristics driving the industry that has employed us both for a very long time. I would like to find my way back into a productive position within this industry once again. Perhaps my friend will be the key to achieving this goal. A notion yet to be fully explored. We meet at the designated restaurant and begin our conversation with smiles and pleasantries. I order an unsweetened iced tea and she orders a diet coke. The mirthful salutations morph into matters of the industry and of her company and of her job and new product positioning, market share, the strategy and tools needed to grow that share, the strength of the competition. I'm totally caught up and absorbed. The intensity feels good. I agree to help put together a position paper...it never hurts to keep up with what's going on in your field of interest....Am I crazy? Am I dumb for doing this?. No, absolutely not and what's more it doesn't matter. I want to do it, I like to do it and truth be told, I would do it whether or not I was employed, because she is a friend. It is comforting as well as reassuring to know that there are people on this planet that you can relate to, people who accept you under a variety of circumstances, people who will make you feel that your value has not been diminished even when you are vulnerable. Being unemployed makes you potentially vulnerable on many levels. I walked away from that meeting with a number of assignments, self-imposed and otherwise. You know what? Work is really not just about the money! I have some work to get done because a friend can use some help!

What's Next

What's Next?

A New Chapter Begins

I am in the 54th year of a life which could be considered generally average with interesting moments. I am neither rich nor poor, brilliant or stupid, exceedingly fast nor annoyingly slow, and I'm certainly not a professed sinner nor am I an aspiring saint. I am hopelessly middle class and just trying to figure out my way, which seems to be more and more an elusive quest.

Since separating from the United States Military in 1974, I have been steadily employed in the financial services industry (it used to be called banking) and for the last nearly 24 years I have worked for a major money center bank, first in New York and then in Tampa, Florida. Over all these years I have successfully weathered the downsizings, the upsizings, the spin-offs, the mergers, the acquisitions, the Joint Ventures and the politics in all its various forms and disguises. However 2005 was to become the year that I would finally be caught up in the changinging tide and swept ashore.

I am now unemployed for the first time since I was 14 years old (I'm counting my paper route and stint as a dishwasher in an italian restaurant as gainful employment). 15 0r 20 dollars a week in 1964 made me a king on my block. I always liked the feeling of independence that my own money gave me. I never really anticipated finding myself in an unemployed situation. It is a little frightening at the very same time that it is kind of a rush. I'm not sure what my thoughts are, however they are at present somewhat disorganized, fast and furious and the fodder for this blog. My objective here is simply to capture my thoughts as I journey from predictable stability to the day to day uncertainty of unemployment and a new career search.

To anybody who might read these ramblings, i would be indebted to you for your honest comments, pro or con. I am not thin skinned and I do love open and honest communication which is the primary reason I so dislike the concept of "political correctness" as observed and practised in the USA. This however is another topic for another time. I'm off to do some job research and then paint and fix up a back bedroom that I will use as a home office.

Slán...

Gap of Dunloe, Ireland