I am struggling. I have never been unemployed and now after many years of doing the "right" thing I am unemployed. I am sad, mad, angry, frightened of the unknown and a whole lot of things that I didn't think would be my experience at this point in my life.
Cut off from the things I loved in my job by a set of circumstances that I still can't figure out for reasons that make no sense. It seems that having lived a life of "doing the right thing" has netted the worst results. I can't and don't pretend to understand why all this happened. But I do know that the traditional bullshit that gets dished out in these situations is just more food for anger. All the "one door closes and another opens", "there are reasons for everything", "god provides" and the rest of the euphemistic vinegar disguised as sweet pablum is just fueling my anger and resentment. Right now, my quick summary is "I hate America and its false promises" for many reasons....."I hate the people that did this to me and I hope that if there is any justice at all that absolutely horrible things befall them and their familes. Nothing is to heinous and no tragedy can be to great for those responsible for putting me in this predicament.
If I still believed in a god I would switch my alligence to his nemesis so that I could orchestrate the planning and eventual destruction of those responsible for putting me in this situation. Unfortunately with no god to answer prayers, it is hard to believe that there is any demon who could consult me in plotting my revenge.
What a waste this life is
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